Vengeance Is Mine! Yes!! No?

Each year every person in our organization is evaluated for the possibility of being given a performance bonus. The bonuses range from a few dollars to a few thousand dollars, depending upon the points given by the supervisor. There is a limited number of points spread throughout any unit within the organization, so obviously the competition is fierce. Sometimes I wish we did not have annual bonuses because in many cases employees are dissatisfied with the bonus, wanting to have had more money rather than being grateful for getting any at all. The bonuses, in my opinion, build a climate of avarice, fortunately in my division for only a few weeks. Is this a case of money being a root of evil? I misspeak. The bonuses are needed and welcome, especially for the lower-paid employees.

Normally, the only stress in the system for us senior managers is the junior managers' lament about limited points for some of their high-performing units. There is an average number of points (i.e. average bonus) granted for each employee. Immediate supervisors then have to shift the points, giving more (higher bonuses) to higher-performing employees, the granted amount to average employees, and a lower number (lower bonus) to employees whose performance is lacking in some way. It is a difficult balance to achieve, but we all try honestly to achieve it.

Or so I thought until a couple of days ago. A junior manager rushed into my office, incensed. It turns out that the Human Relations office, HR, had put one of his employees on the list for another unit. To be fair to HR, our employee had been loaned to that unit for a few months, but he had long ago returned to us. So, that was an HR error. While it would seem to be an easy error to fix, without going into details about how our cumbersome personnel system with its rules and regulations works, at that point in the process, it was nearly impossible to fix without causing the HR staff a lot of embarrassment and an incredible amount of paperwork, including reconvening at least two pay panels, inconveniencing at least a dozen people for about as many hours. The HR director's response to my plea for equitable treatment for all was that the process is not perfect and it is working pretty good actually if only a few people get less than they might deserve.

Now, being on the wrong list would not really have been a problem had the immediate supervisor of the unit to which my employee had been assigned played fair. She had only two employees, and she could have given an equal number of points to both since both had performed equally well. In fact, she had written my employee's supervisor on several occasions about how wonderful this employee was and twice asked to keep him longer. So, one would think that she would give him a good bonus, but no. She took away as many points as allowed from him and gave them to the remaining (her) employee, creating a 2-1 difference in bonus for equal work.

I was furious. I complained to HR. HR would not budge on the matter of who got to make the decision on the points. I finally complained to the local head of our organization, my immediate supervisor, and he weighed in on my side. (He also made an interesting comment about the horrible little manager of the other unit: "She did what any supervisor would have done: grabbed as much as she could for her unit without regard for the larger organization. You don't treat people that way, but most supervisors do.") He directed the HR office to move my employee to our list.

HR still did not budge. I offered to provide additional points from my division since I had saved points for this particular employee. I even began exploring how I might pass on any points that would be given to me personally even though I really wanted/needed my bonus to help meet my pledge to St. Francis Retreat; certainly, though, if my money would go to help someone, then God would help me find more elsewhere for my pledge as He has done ever since I made it. Neither brilliant idea worked: HR insisted that points could not be transferred across divisions.

My prayers for a deus ex machina way out of the situation and especially for serenity and the ability to love someone I really just wanted to kill went unanswered. Actually, I was so occupied with wielding my wrathful sword of righteous indignation as I rushed into the fray that I suspect I might have blindly brushed aside any gift of peace held out toward me. The object of my attack was the unit supervisor in the other division. A level of selfishness that deliberately hurts another being, especially one who has helped you, lies beyond my capacity to understand. I had one thought only: "Off with her head!"

And then it seemed like perhaps a prayer had been answered. I was called to my supervisor's office, together with a couple peers, to decide how to divide up the bonus money for the 200 or so supervisors in our organization. Eureka! My little selfish opponent was on the list! I could do to her what she had done to my employee. Yes! Oh, yes! I was ready for the kill! Vengeance is so sweet! And it had been placed into my hands so easily!

Or had it? The brief sweet taste of payback slid across my tongue at the same time that a repetitive refrain started ringing through my head along the lines of "'vengeance is mine,' saith the Lord." Darn! I really wanted it to be mine!

Yowie! What had I been about to do? Something that Romans 12:19, citing Deuteronomy 32:35, warns against? I have since checked. The Bible is full of references to vengeance but always, from what I have seen, in reference to God's vengeance, not man's against man.

At least, I listen eventually -- usually! So, I had to be fair to her, but how? I really couldn't in my emotional state. So, I recused myself from the decision and explained why to my two counterparts, telling them that I considered her unethical and uncollegial, using a few other choice words that one grants oneself the liberty to use when among friends. Obviously, given that negative view of someone whom I had never met except through a couple of e-notes, I would be poorly equipped to make an objective decision, I confided in my counterparts.

"I am going to recuse myself, too," one of them told me. "I am dating her." Ouch! Clearly, I continue to suffer from foot-in-mouth disease.

So, the horrible manager's bonus was decided by our remaining counterpart. This is, obviously, as it should have been.

I had really wanted the chance to settle the score, to let her feel what it is like to get an unfairly low bonus. I had wanted to be the arbiter of ethics. And then an incredible opportunity had presented itself, but somehow I didn't think that this opportunity had come from God.

I am so glad that I had removed myself from making a decision while under the influence of negative emotions. Yesterday, this little horror of a manager called me and, while unwilling to split the bonus between our employee and hers, offered to scratch our employee off the list she had received from HR. I then could write him into our list for the amount I wanted him to have. I don't know whether or not her moral courage was prompted by her boyfriend. The source does not matter. Rather, her willingness to risk getting into trouble for the benefit of an employee made her an instant ally. We did as she suggested, and HR is going to have to deal with it.

Now I will pray a more appropriate prayer -- for a change of heart in our HR director! Or at least for him to have a heart! (And perhaps for a change in heart in me, too. Where did that to-the-death desire for vengeance come from?)