Why Does God Use Sinners As Instruments?

Ever since coming to faith and seeing my past in a new light as someone who had unknowingly been an instrument of God on a number of occasions (details galore can be found in my book, Blest Atheist), I have been grappling with the question, why would God use an atheist. And why would I, the least knowledgeable Catholic around (I peer into the depths of my lack of knowledge every time I teach a catechism class) be tasked to do anything, represent anything, or share my thinking on anything? As I stumble around in the “cloud of unknowing,” a place where I am increasingly comfortable and from where I do not want to leave, people, especially writers I encounter, shine inspired rays here and there into my tucha (Russian: a dark rain cloud, through which the sun cannot penetrate), momentarily turning the expanse immediately before me into an oblako (Russian: a light cloud, through which the sun does shine). Two such rays have illuminated my question as to why God would use an atheist for His purposes.

The first ray came from The Book of Privy Counseling. The answer there was quite simple: God uses atheists and flawed people in general “because He can.” I loved that explanation. It allowed me to accept not knowing and to keep on accepting new tasks, the latter having already become a habitualized response but the former having been earlier disquieting.

Recently, though, in reading Fr. Richard Rohr’s Things Hidden, I came across a suggestion, the second ray, that seemed to explain even better the possible reason for my sundry taskings. “Usually, in fact,” writes Fr. Richard, “they [those tasked or used as instruments] are quite flawed or at least ordinary people, so it is clear that their power is not their own.” Now that makes a lot of sense to me, at last in my current stage of spiritual undevelopment. Certainly, the events that led to saving the life of Shura, a talented child artist from Siberia, about whom I have posted on both 100th Lamb and Clan of Mahlou, were well beyond my own power,

I think there may be another reason, too. If an atheist like I was could be used so extensively that some called me “God’s agent in Jordan” (only to become highly confused when they found out I was an atheist), anyone can be used. Perhaps that is an underlying message: God can and will use anyone and everyone if they just permit it. After all, in spite of how the situation confused so many, I probably was God’s agent in Jordan. The message speaks volumes about the power, love, and creativity of God, who can and will achieve divine ends to help His people (all people being His) through anyone, even an outspoken atheist.

Hah! I made my own ray of illumination here! The actual situation, though, is that I still don’t know a definitive answer. These are just my ruminations of today. Maybe I will be given to know more and maybe not. Whether or not I ever learn more no longer matters to me here in my “Cloud of Unknowing” comfort zone, where I am a part of the droplets that form its endless expanse and they are part of me. I feel that I am loved. Knowledge beyond that is unessential.

Double-posted on 100th Lamb and Modern Mysticism.

Monday Morning Meditation #23: God Chooses Whom He Wills

Writing this week's MMM is a sheer pleasure, coming on the heels of my attending the Sunday noon Mass at Old Mission. The Sunday noon Mass is in Spanish, and it generally is packed. It was no different this time, except that I arrived just a couple of minutes late and so felt the full impact of being in an overflowing church. All seats were taken, and standing room was shoulder-to-shoulder, back-to-front, hardly any squeezing-through room and only a little more than that of breathing room. The unheated church on a cold winter day was warmed to a comfortable temperature by all the bodies, including that of Phinean, Fr. Ed's adopted feral black cat, who was sleeping contentedly in the creche. Mixed emotions coursed through me: (1) the wonderful sense of community in seeing so many people coming together in worship and (2) the difficult of hearing through the crowd our multilingual priest, Fr. Milich, who celebrates the Latin Mass and substitutes when needed for other priests for the Spanish and English Masses, along with the distractions from enjoying God's presence that came from the constant movement among the standing crowd as people made way for other people, children squirmed, and parents adjusted their babies' positions. Nonetheless, everyone was in a supportive mood. That, along with the deep spirituality of the Spanish Mass in general, led to a warm feeling of well-being that remained with me the rest of the day. Now, I hope I can pass along that same feeling to readers and retain it myself as the Monday slew of high-stress meetings at work hits in just a few hours.

I read more chapters in Joshua. (Thank you, readers, who have told me that Joshua is one of your favorite books. That has helped me to savor it more and to spend more time looking under the surface a bit more than I might otherwise do as I read.) I read as far as the story of Rahab, the woman who saved Joshua's two spies who were conducting reconnaisance prior to the battle of Jericho. At the end of the story, where Joshua's men save Rahab and her extended family in return, I particularly noticed the Biblical description of this woman: "But Rahab the harlot, and her father's household, and all that she had, did Joshua save alive; and she dwelt in the midst of Israel, unto this day; because she hid the messengers, whom Joshua sent to spy out Jericho." The harlot?

Reading: Joshua 6:25

Meditation: God ensured that Joshua's men saved a harlot? Is not a harlot an unredeemable sinner? I have noticed as I have learned more about Christian and Jewish history that God uses the less-than-perfect people of the world to carry out His will. So often I have asked, "Why me? There are so many who are better suited or more qualified or even at times, it would seem, more willing (or at least, a little smarter at recognizing an 'assignment')!" Then I look at those whom God has chosen in the past: orphans, fishermen, fraidy cats, persecuters, and, yes, harlots. It would appear that God is not looking for someone "special" but for someone "common," even an inveterate sinner.

After my conversion, I did a careful review of my life and found many occasions where God had used me as a Good Samaritan to help someone in need or as the stage hand putting into place some small setting leading to a miracle (e.g., taking Shura to a moleibin [prayer service prior to a significant life event] prior to his surgery, where he meet in a surprising way the only person, otherwise unreachable, who could solve his immigration issues). Why on earth, I wondered, would God use an atheist as an instrument. After all, I did not even notice the miracles although others around me did, and when others pointed them out, I would try to find some other explanation although I was never successful at finding a satisfactory one. Still, I would ignore the miracle and label it serendipity, happenstance, chance, luck, and the like. So, why would God even want to involve me in His wondrous work? The Book of Privy Counseling, which is my favorite spiritual book, gave me an answer that rings true because of its simplicity. "Why would God use an atheist?" asks the book's unknown author, who answers his/her own question with three words: "Because He can." How aptly those three words speak to the remarkable power of God!

As for the person who is willing to listen and carry out God's will (even if the obedience is not fully conscious, as in my case until recent years), in most of the cases with which I am acquainted that person's life subsequently becomes uncommon as a result of trusting and obeying God. Following God, I have personally found out, leads one into terra incognita and introduces one to all kinds of people and places. Perhaps that is the reward for obedience, or perhaps it is a kind of faith formation. Maybe it is both. In any event, one is never the same again after having been an instrument of God's choosing.

And that is far as I can go with you on this Monday morning. I must retire to prayer to repent for those times that I have been too dumb to recognize God's leading me to something that He needs accomplished, to thank God for my life and the ways in which He has changed and enriched it, and to give praise for the extraordinary power that allows Him to use even the least of people as His instruments and His uncommon kindness in choosing those that others would not choose. After that, I will spend time in contemplation, which I eagerly anticipate -- how delicious to spend time with a great Someone who loves and chooses a flawed person like me, who wants to spend time with me even though I have so little to give in return.

I will now leave you to your prayer and contemplation, but first, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I hope you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts.

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs that follow the enumeration of Monday Morning Meditations on the sidebar of this blog and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.