Why Does God Use Sinners As Instruments?

Ever since coming to faith and seeing my past in a new light as someone who had unknowingly been an instrument of God on a number of occasions (details galore can be found in my book, Blest Atheist), I have been grappling with the question, why would God use an atheist. And why would I, the least knowledgeable Catholic around (I peer into the depths of my lack of knowledge every time I teach a catechism class) be tasked to do anything, represent anything, or share my thinking on anything? As I stumble around in the “cloud of unknowing,” a place where I am increasingly comfortable and from where I do not want to leave, people, especially writers I encounter, shine inspired rays here and there into my tucha (Russian: a dark rain cloud, through which the sun cannot penetrate), momentarily turning the expanse immediately before me into an oblako (Russian: a light cloud, through which the sun does shine). Two such rays have illuminated my question as to why God would use an atheist for His purposes.

The first ray came from The Book of Privy Counseling. The answer there was quite simple: God uses atheists and flawed people in general “because He can.” I loved that explanation. It allowed me to accept not knowing and to keep on accepting new tasks, the latter having already become a habitualized response but the former having been earlier disquieting.

Recently, though, in reading Fr. Richard Rohr’s Things Hidden, I came across a suggestion, the second ray, that seemed to explain even better the possible reason for my sundry taskings. “Usually, in fact,” writes Fr. Richard, “they [those tasked or used as instruments] are quite flawed or at least ordinary people, so it is clear that their power is not their own.” Now that makes a lot of sense to me, at last in my current stage of spiritual undevelopment. Certainly, the events that led to saving the life of Shura, a talented child artist from Siberia, about whom I have posted on both 100th Lamb and Clan of Mahlou, were well beyond my own power,

I think there may be another reason, too. If an atheist like I was could be used so extensively that some called me “God’s agent in Jordan” (only to become highly confused when they found out I was an atheist), anyone can be used. Perhaps that is an underlying message: God can and will use anyone and everyone if they just permit it. After all, in spite of how the situation confused so many, I probably was God’s agent in Jordan. The message speaks volumes about the power, love, and creativity of God, who can and will achieve divine ends to help His people (all people being His) through anyone, even an outspoken atheist.

Hah! I made my own ray of illumination here! The actual situation, though, is that I still don’t know a definitive answer. These are just my ruminations of today. Maybe I will be given to know more and maybe not. Whether or not I ever learn more no longer matters to me here in my “Cloud of Unknowing” comfort zone, where I am a part of the droplets that form its endless expanse and they are part of me. I feel that I am loved. Knowledge beyond that is unessential.

Double-posted on 100th Lamb and Modern Mysticism.

7 Quick Takes Friday #21

Oh, yes, another week has passed. This week's 7 Quick Takes, a meme hosted by Jennifer Futwiler at Conversion Diary, focus preponderantly on the beginning of the week (if you consider Saturday & Sunday the beginning of the week) in Los Angeles where I attended the Religious Education Congress, held there annually for catechists from all over the USA and beyond US borders, and otherwise fit in an anniversary celebration and teaching & testing college kids from Lithuania. That's everything in a nutshell, but read on for the details and pictures. I flew into LA from Maryland; Donnie and Doah drove down from San Ignatio. We met at the airport, not an infrequent occurrence.

1. Donnie, Doah, and I had a 3-star meal at Sizzler's for our 40th anniversary. Star 1 was Donnie, star 2 me, and star 3 Doah, who sat at a neighboring table to give us the impression of privacy. The restaurant was a compromise. With 40,000 people in town for the Religious Education Congress and spring breakers having fun at Disney Land just two blocks away, neither parking space outside nor seating space inside made itself available to us for our celebration. So, we drove some distance away and found a cute little Vietnamese restaurant where no one would serve us, the only non-Vietnamese in the place. Hard to tell why: perhaps because we were obviously not Vietnamese. So no Pho for me. Sizzler was across the street, so that is where we ended up.

2. Doah thinks that we got a great anniversary gift. We bought him a DVD player to keep him entertained while we were doing other things. Yeah, with kids, one compromises. It was a good decision, clearly. The first night Doah had it, he slept with his arm around it like it was a teddy bear. Even better, on the trip back, he hung it on the seat in front of him and watched a series of movies. Not once did we get the ever-asked question, "Are we almost there?" What better anniversary gift could we have?

3. After dinner, we rushed home so that I could prepare a final exam and email it to the students in Lithuania, who were gathered in the computer lab. It was 11:30 at night here and 8:30 in the morning there, creating a situation where we were equally tired, I from staying up late and they from getting up early the second day in a row. We had done the same thing the day before as a review session, which ran from 11:30 p.m to 1:30 a.m. PST. During the review, Donnie and Doah went to bed; it was late. My talking to my students via Skype did not seem to interfere with their ability to sleep soundly. Pretty soon the students at the other end told me that they were hearing a strange background sound on my end, like a humming. It was Doah and Donnie snoring!

4. Earlier in the day, Doah and Donnie joined me at the Congress for a diocese dinner. All the catechists in our diocese had gathered together to share a lunch, and those of us from San Ignatio fit perfectly around one table. The bishop, for some reason, was attracted to Doah and, after introductions had been made, came over and blessed Doah, the only person he blessed although one would think that every person in that room could have benefitted from a blessing. Everyone from Old Mission (San Ignatio) sat together. There were so many of us there from that tiny town that the bishop asked if we had left anyone behind. "Yes," we all said in chorus, "Fr. Ed!" (He had not come with us.)

5. For our anniversary, Donnie and Doah visited the Joshua Tree National Forest. Donnie not being a Disneyland fan, they drove for two hours instead of for two miles from where we were staying near Anaheim. On the way back, Donnie's coat, which had been hanging in the window, blew out the window when he rolled the window down. So, he had a little hike back along the highway to retrieve it. Ah, it's the little things that make the strongest memories. While Donnie and Doah celebrated our anniversary, I attended lectures at the Religious Education Congress. Fortunately, since it was our 40th anniversary, we were used to those odd kinds of celebrations, so we both enjoyed the day although some eyebrows might be raised as to it being a real anniversary celebration. (For us, it was.)

6. One of the speakers I heard at the Religious Education Congress was Fr. Richard Rohr from the Center for Action and Contemplation in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I had heard his inspiring speech last year, "Cosmic Christology." This year he talked about "The Naked Now" and how Western dualistic thinking keeps us from truly understanding the nature of Christ and of God's plan for the universe. It was a truly insightful speech, and I was happy to run into Fr. Richard later in the day where I had the opportunity to have him sign a copy of one of his books for the leader of our Bible Study group who is a devote of Fr. Richard.

7. The trip back was very, very, very, very LONG! Traffic crawled for the first three hours. However, on the way we found a wonderful restaurant for an anniversary lunch: North Woods Inn. We had a steak lunch (yeah, off my diet for the second day) and a blackberry sundae (really off my diet). The peanuts were on my diet, and I enjoyed being able to throw the shells on the floor, a charm of the place and something I got into with great gusto. Uh, actually, too much gusto -- I hit the people at the table behind us with empty peanut shells. Oh, well, they were understanding. Perhaps they had given up retaliation for Lent!

Wishing all of you a wonderful week ahead!