Vengeance Is Mine! Yes!! No?

Each year every person in our organization is evaluated for the possibility of being given a performance bonus. The bonuses range from a few dollars to a few thousand dollars, depending upon the points given by the supervisor. There is a limited number of points spread throughout any unit within the organization, so obviously the competition is fierce. Sometimes I wish we did not have annual bonuses because in many cases employees are dissatisfied with the bonus, wanting to have had more money rather than being grateful for getting any at all. The bonuses, in my opinion, build a climate of avarice, fortunately in my division for only a few weeks. Is this a case of money being a root of evil? I misspeak. The bonuses are needed and welcome, especially for the lower-paid employees.

Normally, the only stress in the system for us senior managers is the junior managers' lament about limited points for some of their high-performing units. There is an average number of points (i.e. average bonus) granted for each employee. Immediate supervisors then have to shift the points, giving more (higher bonuses) to higher-performing employees, the granted amount to average employees, and a lower number (lower bonus) to employees whose performance is lacking in some way. It is a difficult balance to achieve, but we all try honestly to achieve it.

Or so I thought until a couple of days ago. A junior manager rushed into my office, incensed. It turns out that the Human Relations office, HR, had put one of his employees on the list for another unit. To be fair to HR, our employee had been loaned to that unit for a few months, but he had long ago returned to us. So, that was an HR error. While it would seem to be an easy error to fix, without going into details about how our cumbersome personnel system with its rules and regulations works, at that point in the process, it was nearly impossible to fix without causing the HR staff a lot of embarrassment and an incredible amount of paperwork, including reconvening at least two pay panels, inconveniencing at least a dozen people for about as many hours. The HR director's response to my plea for equitable treatment for all was that the process is not perfect and it is working pretty good actually if only a few people get less than they might deserve.

Now, being on the wrong list would not really have been a problem had the immediate supervisor of the unit to which my employee had been assigned played fair. She had only two employees, and she could have given an equal number of points to both since both had performed equally well. In fact, she had written my employee's supervisor on several occasions about how wonderful this employee was and twice asked to keep him longer. So, one would think that she would give him a good bonus, but no. She took away as many points as allowed from him and gave them to the remaining (her) employee, creating a 2-1 difference in bonus for equal work.

I was furious. I complained to HR. HR would not budge on the matter of who got to make the decision on the points. I finally complained to the local head of our organization, my immediate supervisor, and he weighed in on my side. (He also made an interesting comment about the horrible little manager of the other unit: "She did what any supervisor would have done: grabbed as much as she could for her unit without regard for the larger organization. You don't treat people that way, but most supervisors do.") He directed the HR office to move my employee to our list.

HR still did not budge. I offered to provide additional points from my division since I had saved points for this particular employee. I even began exploring how I might pass on any points that would be given to me personally even though I really wanted/needed my bonus to help meet my pledge to St. Francis Retreat; certainly, though, if my money would go to help someone, then God would help me find more elsewhere for my pledge as He has done ever since I made it. Neither brilliant idea worked: HR insisted that points could not be transferred across divisions.

My prayers for a deus ex machina way out of the situation and especially for serenity and the ability to love someone I really just wanted to kill went unanswered. Actually, I was so occupied with wielding my wrathful sword of righteous indignation as I rushed into the fray that I suspect I might have blindly brushed aside any gift of peace held out toward me. The object of my attack was the unit supervisor in the other division. A level of selfishness that deliberately hurts another being, especially one who has helped you, lies beyond my capacity to understand. I had one thought only: "Off with her head!"

And then it seemed like perhaps a prayer had been answered. I was called to my supervisor's office, together with a couple peers, to decide how to divide up the bonus money for the 200 or so supervisors in our organization. Eureka! My little selfish opponent was on the list! I could do to her what she had done to my employee. Yes! Oh, yes! I was ready for the kill! Vengeance is so sweet! And it had been placed into my hands so easily!

Or had it? The brief sweet taste of payback slid across my tongue at the same time that a repetitive refrain started ringing through my head along the lines of "'vengeance is mine,' saith the Lord." Darn! I really wanted it to be mine!

Yowie! What had I been about to do? Something that Romans 12:19, citing Deuteronomy 32:35, warns against? I have since checked. The Bible is full of references to vengeance but always, from what I have seen, in reference to God's vengeance, not man's against man.

At least, I listen eventually -- usually! So, I had to be fair to her, but how? I really couldn't in my emotional state. So, I recused myself from the decision and explained why to my two counterparts, telling them that I considered her unethical and uncollegial, using a few other choice words that one grants oneself the liberty to use when among friends. Obviously, given that negative view of someone whom I had never met except through a couple of e-notes, I would be poorly equipped to make an objective decision, I confided in my counterparts.

"I am going to recuse myself, too," one of them told me. "I am dating her." Ouch! Clearly, I continue to suffer from foot-in-mouth disease.

So, the horrible manager's bonus was decided by our remaining counterpart. This is, obviously, as it should have been.

I had really wanted the chance to settle the score, to let her feel what it is like to get an unfairly low bonus. I had wanted to be the arbiter of ethics. And then an incredible opportunity had presented itself, but somehow I didn't think that this opportunity had come from God.

I am so glad that I had removed myself from making a decision while under the influence of negative emotions. Yesterday, this little horror of a manager called me and, while unwilling to split the bonus between our employee and hers, offered to scratch our employee off the list she had received from HR. I then could write him into our list for the amount I wanted him to have. I don't know whether or not her moral courage was prompted by her boyfriend. The source does not matter. Rather, her willingness to risk getting into trouble for the benefit of an employee made her an instant ally. We did as she suggested, and HR is going to have to deal with it.

Now I will pray a more appropriate prayer -- for a change of heart in our HR director! Or at least for him to have a heart! (And perhaps for a change in heart in me, too. Where did that to-the-death desire for vengeance come from?)

Ganging Up in Prayer

So many friends, acquaintances, church members, and bloggers have been praying for Nikolina, Shane, and the whole Mahlou family that God must feel like people are ganging up on Him. Many thanks to everyone for those prayers! The Mahlou family is once again not only emerging from the muck but also being washed off and cleaned up. We are almost presentable now.

Thinking about this reminded me about how a colleague and I ganged up in prayer on a senior boss a few years ago, resulting in something very strange (well, not really so strange if one knows the power of prayer) happening at our senior staff meetings. It used to be that the division directors hated gathering together with our boss's boss because he would berate them publicly when production was behind, customer satisfaction was low, or product quality was questionable. Instead of working together to identify and fix the problem, he would verbally abuse the director of the responsible division. Two of the four division directors quit within six months of my arrival. (It had nothing to do with my arrival; they had simply been around longer and were tired of the abuse.) A third talked of quitting. That would leave only me still in place from among the four of us who were on board at the time that I arrived, and I had been there only a few months.

Oddly, I was never berated or otherwise abused. (Moreover, a few weeks ago, on a business trip, I ran into this big boss, and he was genuinely happy to see me.) But, maybe it was not odd at all. God tends to protect me. I don't know why. I guess it has to do with His spoiling me (which I do not take for granted but I do love it).

Maybe it also had to do with prayer. I prayed often for this particular person because he often gave me new reason to pray.

When my former employee was promoted to being my colleague, replacing the third director who did quit, I told him that every time the big boss started turning red, a sign that he was about to sling verbal muck at someone, I would say a silent prayer, asking God to calm him and bring him a sense of peace; always the red would turn back to flesh color and his words would be tempered. Knowing that, my new colleague began to do the same, and we both noticed that meetings became more peaceful and productive. Soon everyone was talking about how the big boss had changed, how much more calm and respectful he had become, and how much easier it now was to attend his meetings.

Maybe all that happened was that our prayers visibly calmed the two of us and that calm spread to others, including the big boss, who sensed a gentling reaction from us. Or maybe God reached straight down into this gruff man's pounding heart or irritated psyche. I do not pretend to understand how God answers prayer. I just know that God does.

Loving Impossible People

We all have them in our lives: the “impossible” people. They are cranky; nothing is ever right; we are a bad relative or bad boss or bad neighbor whenever we do something that is not quite to their liking; they don’t seem to bond well with colleagues in the work place; they resist new ideas or assignments that they do not like; they may approach us in passive-aggressive ways. I am sure that you have met your share of such people, as have I.

At least in the workplace, I adore them! I seek challenge, and they give me what I seek. Meister Eckhart says that there is a God-seed (a little bit of God) in everyone, and I can see that buried deep down in these “impossible” people. I love watching that seed take root and grow. It makes me feel part of a miracle.

For example, one day at work I noticed that some of my favorite “impossible” people were extra cranky. Food and attention, I have found, usually help in these situations (just as they do with cranky kids – I am convinced that mothering 7 children has immensely helped me to mother my current 307-and-expanding staff). So, I ran out and bought several packages of oreo cookies, dumped them into a big bowl, and began the management-by-walking-about effort to deliver the cookies to each employee personally – not just the cranky ones, but everyone who happened to be in the office and not traveling (60% or more of my staff travels regularly). It took all morning, and my paperwork languished, but I enjoyed catching up on all their stories as they munched on their cookies. First, I enjoy stories – the more the better. Second, their stories tell me a lot about them, and especially with the “impossible” variety of employee, I find some insight into how best to manage them. On the oreo morning, we had a very important visitor from our headquarters, who had dropped in to work with one of our teams. Oops! I had forgotten about that, so when I came upon that team, I offered him a cookie, too. At the end of the day, I ran into him as he was leaving and asked him how his day had been. He offered that it had become “much better after the cookie!”

The “impossible” people returned the favor, as they generally do. One of the teams invited me to their ethnic lunch, in this case, some of my favorite Arabic food. These “impossible” people (and a lot of “possible” people) regularly bring me food (I think that they are convinced that I cannot cook, and they are not far from wrong), invite me to their social events (weddings, birthdays, picnics), scold me when I am ill and don’t see a doctor, and jump in without asking to help when I am attempting some physical work that looks to be beyond my capacity. “Why are you so good to me?” I have asked them upon occasion, and the answer is always the same: “Because you love us.”

Once a middle manager who worked for me asked me how I dealt with difficult people, and I told him that he would not like the answer: you have to love them – sincerely, not just pretend to love them (although sometimes initial pretense leads to eventual sincerity). I was right. He did not like the answer. He looked at me sadly and said, “I cannot do that.” In that case, I fear that he will always be surrounded by difficult people.

There have been times when I ignore my own advice, when I get caught off-guard, when I stupidly forget about the God-seed. That happened recently. A very troublesome employee had signed up to see my boss during his open-door hours. He called and asked if I knew what might be the topic. I could guess at a dozen possibilities since she was always complaining about her manager (who worked for me), her assignments, her seemingly slow raises and promotions, concern that management did not understand how far superior she was to everyone else in her division, even the fact that she was expected to come to work on time and put in a full day. I suggested to my boss all the things that came to mind and added several negative comments about the difficulty of supervising her. My boss called after the meeting and told me in a somewhat curious tone, “All she wanted to talk to me about was to tell me how kind you are.” I am glad it was a phone call because I know my face was red with shame.

The most important thing about that event? I lost out on being part of the miracle of seeing the God-seed grow a little more. My boss saw it, but my head had been in the sand that day – and when our heads are down in the sand, all we can see is dirt.