The Most Inappropriate Wedding Mix You Ever Will Hear

In a few hours (why the hell am i awake this early on a Saturday?), The Missus and i are off to partake in the nuptials of a couple of her friends whom i have not yet met. With my wonky back, i am afraid i shall not be able to pull off the appropriate breakdancing moves at the reception, but with enough free booze in one's system, who knows what's possible? If you don't hear from me by Monday afternoon, it's probably safe to assume that the six-step into a helicopter into a windmill combo i attempted to pull off did not go well.

In honor of the impending marriage, i offer up The Most Inappropriate Wedding Mix You Ever Will Hear.

mp3: I Married Her Because She Looks Just Like You (Lyle Lovett from Lyle Lovett and His Large Band)

mp3: 51st Anniversary (Jimi Hendrix from Are You Experienced?)

mp3: Love Rears Its Ugly Head (Living Colour from Time's Up)

mp3: I Wanna Get Married (Nellie McKay from Get Away From Me)

mp3: Let's Get Married (Juliana Hatfield from Juliana's Pony: Total System Failure)

mp3: I Want to Get Married (B.B. King from Singin' The Blues - The Blues)

mp3: Marriage of Dale and Ming (And Flash Approaching) (Queen from Flash Gordon Soundtrack)

mp3: Weep, Bride, Weep (Geoff Berner from The Wedding Dance of the Widow Bride)

mp3: $1,000 Wedding (Evan Dando with Juliana Hatfield from Return of the Grievous Angel: A Tribute to Gram Parsons)

mp3: She's No Lady (Lyle Lovett from Pontiac)

mp3: Conventional Marriages (Groucho Marx from Animal Crackers)

mp3: But That's Bygamy (Groucho Marx from Animal Crackers)

The Most Sweltering Mix You Ever Will Hear

Good Lord and Butter, enough with the heat already! For those of you in the DC metro area (and along a lot of the entire East Coast), you're picking up what i'm putting down. i think it's broken 100 degrees every day this week. That's too hot to handle, you dig? When it's too sweltering to want to get laid, you know it's too damn hot. Somebody needs to do something about this. i'm not sure if we should get Tonatiuh, Ri Gong Ri Guang Pu Sa, Apollo or Helios on the phone, but somebody needs to figure it out, and fast, too. People are starting to look at me funny for continually stuffing ice cubes down my pants, and we can't have that now, can we?

mp3: The Heat is On (Glenn Frey from Beverly Hills Cop Soundtrack)

mp3: Too Hot to Sleep (Eilen Jewell from Letters From Sinners & Strangers)

mp3: Long Hot Summer Night (Jimi Hendrix from Electric Ladyland)

mp3: Love in the Hot Afternoon (Matt Sweeney and Bonnie "Prince" Billy from Adult Swim Singles Program)

mp3: Hot Lava (Perry Farrell & D.V.D.A. from South Park: Chef Aid)

mp3: Some Like It Hot (The Power Station from The Power Station)

mp3: Hot (Missy Elliott from Ratatat Remixes Vol. 1)

mp3: Long Hot Summer Days (Sara Watkins from Sara Watkins)

mp3: Hot Like Sauna (Tricky from Juxtapose)

It's Covered: The Star Spangled Banner

Many happy returns of the day, Uncle Sam, you daffy bastard, you. Who loves ya, baby?

And now, for our national anthem. As you'll shortly find out, however, these are not your daddy's versions.

mp3: The Star Spangled Banner (Jimi Hendrix from Live at Woodstock)

mp3: The Star Spangled Banner (Béla Fleck & The Flecktones from Flight of the Cosmic Hippo)

mp3: The Star Spangled Banner (Jaco Pastorius from Heavy 'N Jazz)

mp3: The Star Spangled Banner (Miri Ben-Ari ft. Doug E. Fresh from The Hip-Hop Violinist)

mp3: The Star Spangled Banner (Blues Traveler from Live: What You And I Have Been Through)